Reviews for Usagi, Hellsing Maid and Alucard's plaything!

BY : CherryKunoichiTenTen

  • From ANON - Inko on October 23, 2014

    Great story, the fight scenes were on point, and the whole thing was just...delicious, what ever happens though?!

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  • From BloodValkyrie on September 23, 2013

    I've read one and a half of chapters so far. Here is what I've come up with. I think you need to focus more on character development and developing relationships. For instance, instead of just telling the reader two people became friends, try putting in some scenes about how exactly two people became friends. I feel that this story, while creative, needs a slower beginning, more of an explanation as to how the protagonist settles in her new job and living arrangement. I think it sort of feels odd that the protagonist has a Japanese name, and all of the British people (and Romanian, since Alucard is from Transylvania), don't even seem to notice that the person is Japanese. Also, I don't even know what she looks like yet, but I just keep assuming she looks Japanese. Maybe a bit more details into the protagonist's appearance would help? There's a lot of potential in this story. I just think it should be tweaked, you know? Also, I don't know if this was done on purpose or not, but sometimes I've seen two different people's dialogue in the same paragraph. Generally, it's kind of a rule that when a new person speaks in dialogue, a new paragraph must begin, to save confusion. I don't mean any sort of ill will in this review. I do hope to see more of this story. Please keep writing. You seem pretty good.

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